heart.
Hello people,
My name is Su-Yen.
Or I could also be Yennie or Yen.
I am seventeen going on a hundred.
I like long walks and country sides.
I like the smell of rain and trees.
This is my blog, Though I'm not sure what it's actually for.
Maybe I want attention. Like yay! x)
No seriously, maybe I do.
Friday, 16 May 2008!
LAMENTED AT; 8:34 pm
editors note: rant ahead.
The mediocrity of it all.
Today's supposed to be a
good day, Mid is half way over so I got to catch up with some much needed sleep. But you know what, I don't feel it at all.
It's like all my life has been sucked out of me! I can't even feel happy the exams are over. And you know what? I thought quite a lot today, despite having to deal with my insane headache. Which, wasn't really a full fledged one, but the type you get because of exhaustion and info overload. But I wonder if its right to blame it all on the exams. truth be told, I don't think thats really the issue.
I've just been flashing back, and I realized that half the things I do are dictated by what what people say or do. But at the same time, theres a part of me who doesn't give a freak.
And I say this statement in no particular reference to any situation I have.I've also come to the conclusion that one of the things that make me emo is
Christmas and the
smell of toast in the morning. It's a wonderful holiday, but
it has to end and that's the hard part about it. Same goes for everything else. I guess i live in denial where things really go the way you want it to eventually. Yeah, I know, go with the flow, but whatever lah. We're all entitled to days like this. And I do not appreciate the voice in my head giving me lectures every time i come up with something negative.
It's better to have love and lost, that to have not loved at all. Sometimes I wonder if this'll ever apply to me, cause this defense mechanism I have kills me.
So many people feel this way, and i just want to give them a hug for it, a pat on the back, and tell them that's it's going to come someday.I believe myself most of the times, but in times like these, I'm just not sure. I know it'll happen someday, but if you keep hoping with no actions, if the perfect somebody does come around, and slap you in the face, I bet you wouldn't even be able to notice. So point proven, no sitting around hoping and wishing without at least changing a bit of mindset.
Don't
you doubt the people around you?
Their intentions, their hidden agendas, their meaning? Is it just stupid to believe them or can you really bring yourself to trust them? Are you really willing to trust someone with you trust? but why then again why should this matter to you anyway, not like you're going to marry them. xD
but somehow, it just does matter.Sometimes it's just so hard trying to be strong for everyone around you. It looks like you've got no problems and you seem to be the one people turn to for support. Or they think that you don't understand their situation cause you've never been through it before. It sucks. I
want to go through the pain! I
want to feel like I've done something horrible,
tried something new and followed my instincts. But what, instead I get this self built and made wall, which practically holds me prisoner to my own feelings.
heck, if i won't even listen to myself, how can i expect anyone else to do the same?And maybe that's why I've been so upset. I've already made up my mind on my future without and prior consultation with myself. You see drama in movies, you see it in real life, but when it comes down to it, you build such a thick skin from watching and learning, that even the good parts get blocked out.
i can't help but feel that I'm doomed to the same kind of thing. x)And yes, it DOES bother me. just a taaaaaad bit.
*note sarcasm*
