My name is Su-Yen
Or I could also be Yennie or Yen.
I am seventeen going on a hundred.
I like long walks and country sides.
I like the smell of rain and trees.
This is my blog, Though I'm not sure what it's actually for.
Maybe I want attention. Like yay! x)
No seriously, maybe I do.
Friday, 22 February 2008!
LAMENTED AT; 3:11 pm
I feel kinda bad for writing so many emo posts. In fact, I've just realized that
every post I've written this year has been totally emo!
I can't promise I'll be any better today, but i shall try! =D after all, I should be happy! I can legally drive a motorcycle today. In other words, hehhlloooo sweet 16!
As a birthday plan, I'd like to start a rempit club
, Where all the sixteens buy motorcycles and wear tight leather clothes and looks sexy
. Yummy. Guys are welcome too of course, uh, minus the tight leather clothes, but leather jackets are welcomed!
Gosh, I feel so old already. I've always thought 16 was like a major change and all. I mean as far as I can recall, i've always thought 16 was THE age
. don't blame me, the movies make it sound as if its the age of enlightenment or something. HAHA.. ahh well.
And even though the beginning has been really stressful, I'd like to thank you everyone at school, church and outside whose made my life the least bit bearable. thanks guys!And and, thankyou so much my darling mob of girls who mobbed me at school today and wished me a happy birthday many many times! I can't tell you how good it feels to have friends like you guys. (: to forever and forever!
I'll be off to CF camp
tomorrow. so yeah, studying will have to wait till then. I'm so fed up already, so I've declared my birthday a homework/study free
day! That means i have to go to school extra early to copy my addmaths, but oh well. ^^
I love my mum, she made me a surprise cake!
ahem* guess what type it was. :p
Yeaappp, thats me praying
I pass my theory exam! ;)
love loads. <3
Saturday, 16 February 2008!
LAMENTED AT; 12:53 pm
Don't tell me
You know the drill, hidden posts are for ranting, so don't read it! xDIt's funny how you seem to be handling it, when in reality you're trying so hard not to lose it.
I hate being pulled in every direction. I hate it. Damnit lah, can't you see that i'm trying so hard already to piece things togehter? juggling from class to class, WANTING to actually study but neglecting it in the end cause I'm just too busy to do it? Can't you see I TRY to keep my theory going, but I just can't because I have no more hours left in a day?
It's hard to get people to understand what I'm going through. Fine, I might be whining again, but the fact is I really can't take it. I end up spending the whole day trying to figure out my homework. And even keeping up is sometimes so frustrating that I just want to stop altogether. I'm trying of having to explain everything to everyone. Why i can't do this, why I can't do that. And you'd be so stupid to think that I'm not trying. Because I really am.
And the fact that I am trying, and the fact that you are comparing me to someone who isn't is so pissing off. They don't spend hours trying to figure out one question. They don't feel stupid every time someone tries to explain something to them, because they get it right away. You don't feel so horrible because everyone seems to be getting it when you don't.
I'd love more than anything to be good at something without having to try. having a talent. I'm so sick of having to like something really badly, but not being able to be good at it. I've worked my ass off for where I am, because to tell you the truth, without my persistence and work, I'd get no where cause I'm not naturally good at anything. Never.
And it annoys me because I can't stick to one feeling for long. I can never feel angry or upset for too long because it hurts me to know that I think that way. I wipe the thoughts from my head like sweat and throw it away, and I take a deep breath and swallow my hurt and troubles. If i don't, i know this voice in my head is going to tell me that everyone feels this way and I shouldn't even be worthy of feeling like that.
I hate not being able to rant to myself because another side always tells me it's wrong. I hate feeling so horrible for things I think I did wrong. And now I know i don't let myself make mistakes. Apparently, such a problem does exist.
I'm just so tired of trying to piece things together. And screw the freaking school lah! can't they see their overworking us? Test after test after test? rule after rule after rule? assignment after assignment after assignment? Who gives a shit matthews? who gives a shit about your freaking school with your idiotic rules and your bloody school reputation?! WHO CARES? Your just old and should just retire. go get a hobby and stop making life so hard for us. Stop threatening us instead of building our confidence. You always talk about bullying, but have you realized that the real bully is you? So from now on, I'm boycotting Wesley. because once upon a time, I thought I liked school. But i guess i don't now.
And bloody hell! I can't stand music anymore. I love it, sure, but it's not loosing my mind over. FINE i get it, i have to do the homework, but STOP lecturing me everytime i don't get it done because i don't have the time. no matter how many times I've explained, stop making me feel even worse than I already do. Stop comparing me to your other perfect students who do everything right! I just can't take it. I'm sick of always being left behind and forgotten because I'm just the average person. The last to be thought of for anything.
and honestly, if it weren't for my parents who are now currently my only security blanket, I'd probably be much worse than I already am. Thanks mum&dad
, love you to bits. Also thanks to the people at school whom I've ranted to before. I know you've had to listen to me talk about how unhappy I am,and you're just great people for even listening. I'm happier now.